i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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