I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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