I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
