Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
