I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
