Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
