Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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