my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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