When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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