is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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