I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
