Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
