do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
