I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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