Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize