Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
