listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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