Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
