oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
