it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
