I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
