got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
