I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Boobs speak an international language.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
