I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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