I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
NoShamevember. You game?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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