I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
