Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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