It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think a kid would responsible me up
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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