I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I pour the whiskey from now on
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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