i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
