Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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