I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
