is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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