I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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