life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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