It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
