I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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