k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
