tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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