no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Michael Bay diarrhea
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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