Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
