I got chris browned last night
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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