Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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