She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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