.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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