i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
