So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
