I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
