Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
