I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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