just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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