it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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