Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
