Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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