but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
