did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
