"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
