I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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