We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
