Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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