I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize