did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
