Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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