Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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