You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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