An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
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wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
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I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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