So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
