all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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