i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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