Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
