I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
