You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
