WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
