So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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