Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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